The World (of Jay)

THE REAL WORLD – CHARLOTTE

10:26pm 07-20-02 (Dayna’s)

DAYNA – …because she wanted to go out to a party so she didn’t want to stay after and roll…

KIRK – Did you kick her?

DAYNA – What’d you say?

KIRK – Did you kick her?

DAYNA – I didn’t. I actually normally really like her

KIRK – That’d would have been cool though if you did

DAYNA – Yea, it probably would have been really cool. Unfortunately I didn’t.

LINDSAY – So need a bedspread…

JAY – You need a bedspread?

LINDSAY – uh-huh

JAY – What kind of bedspread? …What kind of bedspread?

LINDSAY – One for my room this year

JAY – Thank you, that was not entirely obvious

LINDSAY – I don’t know. Double.

JAY – No, no. What do you want on your bedspread?

LINDSAY – Something that will match my bright blue walls.

JAY – So, something blue?

LINDSAY – But just a little bit…Something kewl. I could put Vanilla Coke on my bedspread. That’s kewl.

COURTNEY – Kewl.

LINDSAY -  I put rubber cement on it last year.

COURTNEY – Yea.

JAY – Why… did you cement your bedspread?

LINDSAY – I didn’t mean to.

JAY – Why were you playing with rubber cement in your bed?

LINDSAY – Because I did everything on my bed.

COURTNEY – She lived on her bed.

JAY – Dirty, dirty, dirty

COURTNEY – Whereas I lived in my bed… Are you recording this?

JAY – ..yes

COURTNEY – Kewl.

LINDSAY – This is the REAL WORLD – Charlotte!

JAY – …digital

COURTNEY – Digital. Is that better than the last one?

JAY – Yea, it can hold up to 3 hours of recordings

LINDSAY – Wow. That’s a long Real World Episode

COURTNEY – Yea, I know. (giggling)

LINDSAY – Jay, I will wipe you with my special cloth.

COURTNEY – Bling bling.

JAY – Bling like how you girls like diamonds?

COURTNEY – No, money, but, it’s, I have to get the rest of Kirk’s birthday present from the bankiepoo cause, where are you going?

TRENTON – To get money from the ATM

KIRK – And take me

—–

COURTNEY – Yes, that IS kewl. Look that could be a Vanilla Coke on the bed.

LINDSAY – Oh my God!!! Yea it is. Ok, we’ve got Vanilla Coke spilling all over the bed. That’s a good idea.

DAYNA – Isn’t that nice? Coming home from work and just being like “Hey, baby, I’ve got 35 bucks.”

JAY – Courtney, were we supposed to bring money for something?

—–

10:51pm 07-20-02 (Dayna’s)

JAY – Ok, but then we can go?

COURTNEY – … I don’t know. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to…you know… when it was going on….

KIRK – Does she have short hair?

COURTNEY – Yes.

JAY – Who?

KIRK – She looks weird
JAY – Who?

JAY – Who is that?

KIRK – Sarah something.

DAYNA – She was in Footloose

JAY – Oh, yea, uh-huh. I saw THAT movie too. No I didn’t.

COURTNEY – Are you serious?

JAY – Wait, which one is Footloose?

COURTNEY – That, that’s the, the one with Kevin Bacon

KIRK – …Bacon and…

COURTNEY – …and he goes to this small town and in this small town they don’t allow dancing, because you know….

JAY – No, I was thinking of…. Dirty Dancing. No I haven’t seen that one.

LINDSAY – Who’s Kevin Bacon?

COURTNEY – Yes, she didn’t know…

LINDSAY – How do you not know? He’s in EVERYTHING

JAY – You didn’t know Kevin Bacon

COURTNEY – She does now.

JAY – (while yawning) You didn’t know 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon?

COURTNEY – No, that’s the thing, we’re like how could you not know who Kevin Bacon is?

JAY – See, and I could get it to work, because I’m friends with Chris and Chris has a cousin who is dating Vin Diesel who more than likely has worked with somebody who has worked with Kevin Bacon or maybe he worked directly with him.

LINDSAY – (Laughs VERY loudly into the microphone, temporarily scaring me to death) Chris is our big hookup.

—–

11:47pm 07-20-02 (Katie’s)

JAY – It took me awhile to figure it out, but then I finally got it.

STU – Did you read the book on it?

JAY – No.

STU – Oh, yea.

JAY – Well, I did read the book in order to figure out how to set the time and that was it. Then I threw it down. It wouldn’t let me do anything until I set the time.

ANGIE – It wouldn’t let you do anything until you set the time? What?

KELLY – Stuart just felt my lack of leg hair.

ANGIE – Stuart felt my… Stuart, when he stuck his hand up my pants today, felt my leg hair and told me I needed to shave.

KELLY – Yea, he told me I needed to shave the other day. I was like, Bastard. The amount of surface area you have to cover….

ANGIE – …Does not compare…

KELLY – versus the amount of surface area we have to cover. Yea. Sucks.

STU – …And this part right here is the hardest part here

KELLY – Bullshit, it’s like…

JAY – But at least if you cut yourself you can wear pants.

STU – It sucks, because shave shave, no, it’s you shave up you shave down you shave up you shave down you shave two or three times right here.

KELLY – You can’t raise your hand

JAY – Yea, right here it sucks.

ANGIE – I don’t want to hear about it, ok?

KELLY – I know, up and down up and down, three inches maybe, total.

ANGIE – Like the knee, that’s a tricky place, and behind the knee

ALL GIRLS – (make agreement sounds)

KELLY – I’m going to shave and then turn my leg but oh I’ll catch my leg in it

ANGIE – Wait, wait, how about… the bikini area?

KELLY – That, phew!

ANGIE – I hate it!

KELLY – It’s a different story…

KELLY & ANGIE – Altogether!

KELLY – Cause the grain, fucks you up!

ANGIE – Yea! (laughing)

(Can’t make anything out, girls talking at once and I think at this point in time, demonstrating shaving tequniques, be right back…)

ANGIE – They have new bikini…

KELLY – Nair

ANGIE – No, no, no they have special razors…

KELLY – Nah-ah… (I’m thinking Jen might have been out here, so some of these might not be Kelly, but could be Jen. I dunno)

ANGIE – For the bikini area. Yes, and they’re like they’re you know how cause the ones that are like this big like you have to like… yea, you have to do that and these, they’re real skinny. (lots of girl laughter) Yes, I do too, but like these, they’re really skinny so you can just kind of like ehhhh. I haven’t bought them but I saw them at Harris Teeter.

ANGIE – The hyper-extendageage of the hip?

KELLY – The hyper extend of the big razor

STU – Is that when you used to try and put your feet behind your head?

KELLY – Ahohohohoh (It’s an insincere laugh people. How else should I type that?), No.

GIRLS – (giggling)

ANGIE – When I shave my bikini line, I go like this!

GIRLS – (laughter again)

KELLY – Like put your feet in the air like you just did and ahhhhh!

STU – Do you really?

ANGIE – Yea, I do.

STU – Do you actually sit on your ass in the bathtub and go like this.

ANGIE – No, I don’t.

KELLY – No.

ANGIE – You stand up in the shower. I was joking! Because you just did that because you’re retarded.

KELLY – You have to put your leg on the wall and then rotate your hip out so it

ANGIE – I don’t put it on the wall, but I put in on the ledge.

JEN – Ew, the ledge is nasty (ok, she is out here…).

ANGIE – Oh, see, not in my shower.

—-

3:50am 07-21-02 (Dayna’s Car)

JAY – I currently have 9 different lengths of tape recording on there. Which means if I want to do a Real World College Life for my next one, it’s going to take me a long-ass time to translate all this.

LINDSAY – You can just take the good parts.

JAY – That’s what I did last time. Which is probably be what I do this time. By the time I get around to doing #9, I’ll just take one sentence from it, it won’t be very funny. Let’s see, today’s the 21st so… 30 days have September, April, June and November…

DAYNA – 31

JAY – So it’s 31 days, so it’s 11 days left in July, so I’m going to be home for 21 more days at the most.

LINDSAY – So, you’re leaving the tenth?

JAY – I am leaving as soon after the second as I can.

—-

JAY – Are you going to be back in Charlotte next summer? For a long period of time?

DAYNA – No, not really.

JAY – And are you going to be in Chapel Hill next summer?

LINDSAY – Yes…

JAY – Yea, see, I was a little sad about not coming back to Charlotte next summer because I wouldn’t see everyone all the time but then again, everyone else will be wherever their at next summer, so I was like, wellllll screw it then!

LINDSAY – We’ll all have our apartments or whatever…

DAYNA – Right, I’m not coming home until June and I don’t know where I’ll be living then so…

JAY – My parent will be lucky if I come home for a weekend. If I come, it’ll be to pick up some clothes.

LINDSAY – Yea, I’ll be home for a few hours Mom.

—-

DAYNA – There were people chillin at the front of your neighborhood last night!

JAY – Really? Were there?

DAYNA – I was like, what are you doing? As if that’s not suspicious

JAY – Putting bubbles in the fountain?

DAYNA – No, I don’t know, they were there when I got there… that’s what Katie and I were talking about because there were people standing right at the entrance and then these other people who were like walking off holding hands… I was like, what is that?

LINDSAY – Yea, there were like, seven gringos sitting on a thing next to a picket fence in my neighborhood.

DAYNA – They were gringos? You do know that gringos are white people.

LINDSAY – Are they?

DAYNA & JAY – Yes.

LINDSAY – (Laughing) Ok, I get it.

DAYNA – I was like, I don’t know why you called them gringos. I’m glad we enlightened you Lindsay (laughs) You can go around talking about gringos now.

LINDSAY – Me too, Because my Mom hasn’t enlightened me.

DAYNA – You are a gringo.

LINDSAY – Mexicans sitting next to a picket fence in my neighborhood, looking very suspicious.

JAY – Were they sitting on the picket fence?

LINDSAY – No, by it.

JAY – On the curb?

LINDSAY – They were leaning on it.

JAY – Oh, they were LEANING on it.

Lindsay – They were sitting leaning their backs on it

JAY – Whose picket fence was it? Just go… Welcome to my Jay’s school of driving.

DAYNA – I almost made it.

LINDSAY – (laughs)

JAY – Just go. That’s out motto. Just go.

LINDSAY – I don’t think Jay’s school of driving sounds very good.

JAY – Jay’s school of driving is if you’re driving in an isolated place, and there’s a long red light, and you need to turn left and you’re along, you just go.

DAYNA – Yea, I told Brad to turn left. And I was like flash your lights at it, after it went thought AGAIN, he flashed his lights and it worked.

LINDSAY – You flash your lights?

DAYNA – Some of them are light sensitive. If you think it might be light sensitive, it doesn’t do anything to flash your lights….

JAY – Arboretum…

LINDSAY – Bet there are lots of people there now

JAY – No, not now… maybe the cleaning people

DAYNA – Well, sometimes people screen movies and get drunk there…

JAY – That’s true, but by 4 o’clock in the morning, they’re usually done by then…

DAYNA – Ahhhhh!!!!!

LINDSAY – Ahhhhh!!!!

JAY – Oh my God!!!!

LINDSAY – What was that??

JAY – It was a rabbit. It was a rabbit…

DAYNA – (coughing/sobbing/getting choked up a lot)

LINDSAY – Dayna, it’s ok.

JAY – It’s really OK Dayna, I didn’t even see it. It’s Ok.

LINDSAY – I didn’t either

JAY – I would have done the same thing.

LINDSAY – You couldn’t help it.

JAY – There was nothing you could have done. Look, Dayna, Dayna,  I bet it’s ok. It probably made it. It was right in the middle, you didn’t run over it. That’s probably it. It probably just got scared and that’s all that happened. It’s ok now.

DAYNA – It went underneath and it hit it’s head on the bottom.

JAY – It’s all right. It just bumped it’s head a little bit. Now it’s a little bit disoriented, but it’s OK.

LINDSAY – It’ll hop away and be fine.

JAY – It was far too late for me to even see. It was too late. It’s ok….  Look, here’s Kuykendal. You live off Kuykendal, Dayna. Lets talk about Kuykendal. Who is Kuykendal? Was it named after a famous Russian general or something?

DAYNA – Russian?

JAY – I don’t know, but it could have been

LINDSAY – My Mom, Even before I knew where this was my Mom would talk about Kuykendal because that’s where Rhonda Rhino lives.

DAYNA – Oh yea, she lives in my neighborhood.

JAY – The who?

DAYNA AND LINDSAY – Rhonda Rhino.

DAYNA – Katie Rhino.

JAY – Oh, yes, yes.

—-END TAPE—-